I hear you’ve found love, and love has found you too. I hear you’re happy and can’t wait to bask in its glory, enveloped in the euphoria, the excitement, and the bliss it brings. I hear the butterflies brought you a new set of wings, and now you float above it all…your flight, magical. It’s a beautiful sight, just like the wishes and prayers that have rained on you since the news broke. You are happy. Your love is happy. Everyone seems happy for you, too.

I hear those wings carry you to faraway lands, where your imagination runs wild and the pictures of your future together bring you great contentment. I hear it’s a beautiful feeling; one that everyone should experience, at least once in a lifetime. I can’t place bliss on my tongue, but I can imagine that is what it tastes like. Sweet. You wouldn’t want it to end. I hope it never does. Not for you. Not for me. Not for anyone else. Amen!

I hear your appreciation for the goodwill. You deserve this happiness, they tell you. Actually, there is none more deserving of such a beautiful journey, they say. Maybe, it’s true. Everyone deserves happiness. I’m told you feel light, soaring above the clouds, all your burdens left behind. The journey ahead is an exciting one. The future looks rosy, and you can’t wait to experience each moment with your love…until new drops of love are born from the fruit of your partnership.

These little drops… they may come in different forms. They will grow each day, a manifestation of this life and what is promised of the next. Each year with them will be a celebration. Perhaps they will teach you more about life than you’ve ever known, right from the moment they draw their first breath. They will count on you for love, care, nourishment…and protection. And I hope you protect them.

Actually, I know you will. I have heard many in your shoes make promises to love and protect their seeds. It is not just a duty, it is a choice they have made. It is commitment. It is an act of love. So I know you will do what you can to protect them. Will you succeed? Will you fail? Time will tell. I do not want to cast doubts on your ability to love them so fiercely, and shield them from all that is wrong with the world. But, I know too well that our intentions do not always yield the results we want, and sometimes the outcomes may read like deception to the ones with expectations.

I know too well what it feels like when the intention to protect does not tally with the result of the attempts made. I know what it means to be pierced and bruised by the very shield that was meant to protect me. I know this shield is not just from those who brought me forth. Its breadth extended to all around me, older and more knowledgeable of the dangers that loomed. This shield was our home, our rooms, our people, you. Yet, I still ended up bruised and on a journey of healing that may have no end. I’m not being pessimistic. Reality has taught me that fake optimism will not get me anywhere. I am trying to make peace with that fact. So your intention to protect might end up in failure. Still, I hope you succeed.

My hope is not for you. It is for them, especially your little girls. It is for a future where they do not have to wake up each day and face the shields that bruised them. A life where they do not have to navigate through the heavy silence of sharing closed spaces with this shield, hoping it doesn’t strike and bruise them some more. It’s to save them from an eternity of having to run away from explaining their choices to steer clear of this shield. I hope they never have to fight for a journey of healing that never ends. Or choose between forgiveness and justice. I hope they never have to choose silence to protect themselves … and the shield.

You see, the shield is strong. It is trusted to do what it was created for: protect them. It is without fault. It gives hope and strengthens faith. It does not bruise. So they can never point to this shield as the source of their bruises, their anxiety, their difficult journey with trust, and the eternity of healing. No one will believe them. The shield is too good. It is perfect. Why did they come so close, anyway? Didn’t they know better? Silence!

So again, I hope you succeed in both intention and action to protect them. As your new journey begins, and your wings continue to lead you above the clouds, and lend a breath-taking view, I hope you take some time to reflect. When you look down and see my face, I hope you see the roads I have crossed to get to this point, and the struggles I have had to fight to keep standing. You can’t see my knees from up above, so you don’t have to worry about the scars from my sojourn and the different stages of falling. Your wings are light, they say. But are they? When you look straight into my eyes, don’t you feel the weight of your conscience on our back? Do you? Is your flight really easy?

I don’t want answers. I want freedom. For your little ones when they’re born. For every person that has been bruised by their shield. You were meant to be a part of my shield, but you were the part that bruised me. So I want freedom for me. I want to say I forgive you for my bruises, but my forgiveness cannot precede justice.

I hear you have found love. And love has found you. As you journey above the clouds, and set your intentions to protect your own, I pray for you. Perhaps forgiveness will come along someday. For now, I hope you succeed. For them. For my freedom. Still, I hope you succeed.